First off, we need to say that we realize that this is not a post that everyone will feel comfortable reading, because it tackles a subject that is, for many people, very uncomfortable to think about, which is rape. Also, note that this is one blogger’s opinion, and should not be looked at as “professional” advice by any means.
Also, we want to say that we know that men can be victims too, but please don’t think us completely sexist to talk about this from the perspective of the majority of women being victims of this crime, as it is indeed the case. Actually, technically it is not the case, because a lot of men get raped in prison and this actually means that when you tally up all the numbers, its actually men that are getting raped more. Just to be clear here, I am referring to non-criminals in our stats here, or at least people who are not in prison for one reason or another.
In 2003, not including inmates, 9 out of every 10 people who were raped were women. Today, most victims are still women, so this article is primarily for women but hopefully useful in some way to everyone regardless of gender.
According to RAINN, the effects of sexual assault can be:
- 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
- 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
- 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
- 26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
- 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
And so, read on at your own discretion but also know that we have written this article to be helpful in spotting the different “types” of rapist that are out there, and the signs of a rapist that will help you identify them.
In 2016, the average number of rape cases in USA per year is 89,000, but we can assume that it is actually much higher, since this statistic represents only those rape cases which have been reported.
Nevertheless, it’s still a staggeringly high number, and we should do everything we can to lower that number. And this doesn’t mean that only women should take various precautionary measures to avoid being raped (by precaution we mean learning to kick more ass, not changing the way you look), but men should also participate in this long-term struggle with eliminating this very sad aspect of human behavior.
Please consult the website rainn.org to get a more detailed idea of the types of statistics that are occurring nowadays in order to gain a better understanding of what is going on.
At the risk of sounding really biased here, we think it really is men that need to be taught to respect every woman from their earlier age, no matter how she’s dressed, how she talks, or walks.
Sure, there is a percentage of ignorant men who are always going to sing the same song of “Oh, she was asking for it”.
Not only do we find this perspective thoroughly horrible, disturbing, and indefensible really, but the truth is that men need to understand that no matter what a woman wears or says or does, if they choose to force themselves upon her, they’re choosing, then, to become criminals – right up there with bank robbers, murderers, and people who drown cats – and its not right.
If only men understand that their naturally superior strength isn’t supposed to be used for attacking and harming women (until human evolution evens those odds – look at Ronda Rousey) – only then can we say that our mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives are going to be safe. Down with macho stereotypes!
Sad But True
Sadly, we do not live in the future where people no longer are doing bad things. The reality right now in 2016 is much different and harsh than we might expect, and rapists aren’t the type of people who are easily deterred from such patterns of behavior. Our hope can only be that rates of crimes like rape eventually dwindle away through education, awareness, and raising our kids better.
For now, women should continue taking various safety precautions and be aware of the men around them. Although there’s no sure way to recognize that a particular man has tendencies to commit a sexual assault, still there are some danger signs that women might take into consideration.
How to Spot a Rapist
The way it is now, rapists are often people known to the victim: a partner, relative, date, friend, acquaintance, or even a family member. They usually don’t threaten or do physical harm to the victim except the rape itself.
One sign of a rapist is when we see people using violent and threatening language, as well as physical violence with people he considers weaker than him in order to get his way.
Also, this includes being mean and violent when drunk. We aren’t saying that all men who drink and do drugs are potential rapists, but most of the reported cases of raping are been done by a drunk or drugged-up man.
Another sign of a rapist is a person with anger issues who copes with everyday problems with violence – hitting and breaking stuff he finds in his way. Also, a person who changes his mood extremely quickly, from normal to very aggressive is another sign of a rapist. Once again, we don’t say that all men with these characteristics will commit a sexual assault, but even so, women should be aware of them since they have a higher potential to beat or harm them in some way.
Don’t Automatically Trust Everyone (Because You Never Know)
It is worth noting that there are many rape cases committed by strangers, and in those cases the victims never had the chance to analyze and make an assumption that a particular person is prone to raping, and thus avoid them or be more careful with them.
This is why it’s always a good thing having a personal defence item in your bag or pocket that will keep you safe wherever you go.
Such personal security products include: pepper spray, panic alarms, batons, personal security whistles, stun guns, etc. Having one of these items may save you not just from rape but from any kind of attack, and it may even save your life!
Here is an instructional video on how to use pepper spray that you might find useful.
Types of Rapist
The Gentleman Rapist (Power Reassurance)
Usually, the motivation behind this type of rapist is insecurity, and a desire to possess women rather than harm them. This type of rapist is often socially awkward with has low self-confidence, and so believes that doing this sexual assault will restore his confidence and will even serve as a confirmation of his manhood.
His methods include pre-selection of the victim, and his attacking approach is often sudden ‘blitz’ attack, as in sudden. His attacks are most likely verbal, but he may well threaten with a weapon, though most of the time he does possess one.
Before the sexual attack he has planned, he reassures his victim of her safety and often apologizes and expresses guilt. With this kind of person, you can almost see it coming in the sense that certain troubled emotions may catch you off-guard, like some kind of pre-apology. If you think you hear this coming, don’t hesitate to check on your pepper spray.
During the sexual attack he acts unselfish and believes that his victim is enjoying what is happening. He may even act as if he is in a relationship with his victim, and so is slightly delusional.
This type of rapist isn’t extremely aggressive and doesn’t necessarily intend any additional harm to his victim. He often records the deed in some way, or takes some personal belonging from his victim. After the rape, this type of rapist sometimes tries to contact the victim. The “gentleman rapist” attacks again in the period of 7-15 days, and he is the most common type of rapist. You might be surprised to know that 70% of all rapes are committed by this type of rapist, so it is really worth considering all of these traits.
How to dissuade him– When in doubt, start with pleading him, crying, praying aloud, screaming, and try to get into his conscience to attack his weak point. Make sure he realizes that you really don’t want sex with him, since the gentleman rapist often believes that the victim is just pretending and actually wants that to happen.
We realize that the days of “defenseless women” are long over and there are many, many women who could literally kick the living crap out of many, many potentially threatening males, but unfortunately there are still some un-empowered women who will be fearful of even a relatively non-aggressive type of rapist who suddenly “decides” to make his move, and of course this is not the fault of the woman if they are freaked out by some weirdo’s sudden advances.
But we really feel that even if a women finds themselves in a situation they did not expect, if they aren’t prepared to fight back they will need to be prepared to do something, even if its run like hell. Even one well-placed kick is better than suddenly giving in to a perpetrator of any sort. Once again, it would be good to have a personal defence item at the ready, which could be as simple as having something in your purse that you can quickly grab.
One thing we recommend is this Vigilant PPS-23K 130dB Personal Alarm with Backup Whistle, which is part alarm and part whistle and is not something one of these “gentleman rapists” is going to expect. You basically need something that will give you a chance to either run or drive your knee so far into his groin that his chances of reproducing will immediately drop to zero. There is, of course, no sympathy for a rapist, or some guy awkwardly attempting it.
If you do have to fight physically with type of rapist, at least you might say there’s a better chance of combating him, since they are naturally not as aggressive as the next type of scumbag we’re going to mention.
Have a look at this video and it might come in handy as well, as it details some ways of escaping a rapist.
Control Freak Rapist (Power Assertion)
The main motivation of the control freak rapist is domination of women. As much as they’d like to think it isn’t the case, the truth is that they feel insecure, and although their initial purpose may not be in harming his victim, still in most cases it does occur.
They use verbal threats and obscene language and humiliate their victim. Unlike the gentleman rapist, the control freak rapist is more aggressive, macho, demanding, and selfish. They often use bondage, rip victim’s clothes, bite and pinch, and prefer strangers, oral sex, and safe places. His goal is to humiliate, conquer, control, and traumatize the victim.
He may attack the same person again. Although their purpose is not to kill the victim, because of the high level of brutality a death might occur.
How to dissuade him– try to talk him out of it, and if unsuccessful, scream and attack him as hard as you can to try to escape. OR – if you are adequately armed, zap him. Don’t even think about it – if he’s in your space and shows no signs of leaving, we are of the opinion that chances are not to be taken. Do not hesitate to introduce him to something like the “Monster” Rechargeable Stun Gun, which will hit him with 18 million volts and give you a chance to escape.
Revenge Rapist (Anger Retaliatory)
This type of rapist wants to punish and express his rage towards women by raping them. He may attack a woman who may have hurt him in the past, or because of some religious or political purpose. His attacking method is surprising, brutal, and selfish. He will use weapons and since he’s usually very angry and blames the victim for his unhappiness, so the victim should be especially careful. He uses obscene language, and likes to humiliate the victim often via raping her in every way possible. He is very brutal, and often beats the victim. His attacks are often lethal, due to the severe beatings of his victims.
Since rape is rape and there is no “better” or “worse”, the thing about this type of rapist we might say is that he might be the most dangerous or difficult to fight back against. The bottom line is if you think you have encountered this type of individual, simply do not hesitate to do what needs to be done to defend yourself. This man will show no mercy, and so you need to be ready one way or another!
How to dissuade him – Once you realize what you’re up against, do what you can to keep this guy calm at all costs and figure out what you’re going to do. At the same time, remember there isn’t much time to make a decision and so at some point you will need to act.
Here are a few videos that talk about self-defence for women (and anyone in general) against certain situations involving stronger attackers, taller attackers, choke holds, and having a gun pointed at you.
Sadistic Rapist (Anger Excitation)
The motive of the sadistic rapist is torturing and killing of the victim. He employs physical force and weapons with no hesitation. He often chooses similar victims, that remind him of something or someone he wants to destroy. He has planned his attack by beginning with charming verbal behavior to gain the victim’s trust. This is part of their threat, as they are charming enough to get close to you, and then maybe its too late.
The sadistic rapist too likes to humiliate his victim, using hostile language. He finds sexual pleasure in inflicting pain and provoking fear in the victim. His goal is to provoke the most pain, by inserting things in anus/vagina, prefers brutal anal and oral sex, uses bondage, and other instruments to torture her for hours and sometimes even days, cuts victim’s clothes with a knife, sometimes mutilates parts of her body, threatens with weapon, usually records his deeds and takes some personal belonging of the victim as a souvenir. He always chooses strangers to be his victims, and his rapes end with death, and hiding the victim’s body. Yes, this is the guy that horror movies are often based on, because he represents the worst nightmare of many people.
How to dissuade him – There may be no hope in dissuading this type of character, so your best bet is having something ready to defend yourself with. Whether it is a baton, pepper spray, a stun gun, or simply being ready with the knowledge of a self-defence course, this sadistic type of person may in fact be the most dangerous of them all, because he is literally a true pyschopath. Think American Psycho – he may not be some grim looking character, but instead an extremely charming and good-looking guy.
Once you find yourself in danger, there’s not much time to react. If you think you can make a break for it, it might be worth trying to keep him at bay for a few seconds with words and then run when you can. At the same time, this is the type of person who is most likely fast as well, and has his mind made up as to what he has planned.
Here’s a video which talks about how to potentially deal with a guy like this.
Family Watchdog – Sex Offender & Rapist Locator
One way to take precautions is to is to check out this website, called Family Watchdog, which provides a rapist locator for any sex offender in your area.
You have a right to know when someone who has committed such a crime in your area, and it even shows you on a map where they live.
This is a useful tool for getting an idea of who might be living in your neighborhood that might be a sex offender or rapist. For many people, it can be a wake up call because it forces you to see who might literally live down the street, and at times the results are more than a bit creepy.
We realize this may have been a tough read in a lot of ways, but we hope that it offered some insights things to think about that could potentially help you at some point, in the preventative sense. Hopefully dealing with a rapist is not something you will ever have to face, but statistics suggest otherwise, as this is a problem that our entire society faces. And in that case, the better educated and prepared we all are, the better.
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